by Catherine Blanch.
Hans, the Boy Wonder of Berlin, is an international cabaret superstar, accordionist and sex symbol with a penchant for lederhosen, sequins and pink Lycra. It would seem that the move from his homeland Germany to Adelaide has been a fortuitus one for Hans, having stamped his name and his stilettos on the South Australia Cabaret and Festival circuits.
Hans is a busy man and extremely hard to tie down (although rumours may suggest otherwise) so we speak with him via email to get the low-down and the upshot of his 2015 Cabaret Fringe Festival show Hans’ Haus Party. We begin by asking what he is offering at his all-inclusive dinner and show experience?
“Darling, it’s very clear to me that the theatre these days is becoming a little too heavy, a little too drab. My show is very much the opposite. It’s a party celebrating my favourite thing in the world – me! And where better than the fabulous German Club for such an experience! I’m looking forward to this cross-pollination of cultures.”
During your time on radio for NOVA 919, you broke the world record for playing piano-accordion non-stop. Do you still hold the record, what songs did you play and why did you go for it in the first bloody place?
“I did this as part of Madonna’s 50th birthday celebrations, so I only played Madonna songs… for 30 hours… Let that sink in for a little while! I believe the record has been broken by a gentleman in Sweden, but who knows, I may be back to claim my title soon. After all, Kylie’s 50th is just around the corner.”
There are many amazing skills that you are known for, including doing the splits on two chairs as they are pulled away from each other. Have you ever split your pants or pulled a muscle?
“I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to a few incidences that required me to head for the Volatren. But here’s the thing, darling. There is nothing I won’t do for my art. If that means putting my body on the line for my audience, I will do it. In fact, some of my audience may get to experience more parts of my body than they would expect for a $35 show ticket!”
Do you have any other talents hidden in your lederhosen that we’ve not seen yet?
“I’m always looking for new skills. It’s probably only a matter of time before you’ll be seeing me swinging off some sort of silk or hanging from the ceiling in some kind of harness. But, so far, as a singer, dancer, model, actress, tapper, accordionist, pianist, philosopher and Beyoncé enthusiast, I would say – as far as talents go – I am like a Sizzler buffet.”
Your dancers, The Lucky Bitches. Who are they?
“My worst nightmare! I keep them around as an act of charity. Just like Mother Teresa did with all those nuns in Calcutta.”
The band, The Ungrateful Bastards. Who are they?
“They are the absolute only musicians available to play at my Haus Party.”
When did you first realise you had a love for pink Lycra?
“It’s a rare gift to be able to wear pretty much anything and still look great, but that’s something I have become used to. Let me just give this fashion tip though, for those of you playing along at home. When you find a look that works for you, stick to it. I see too many people who are still searching for their look.”
You write many of your own songs. One of the more popular would have to be Kilburn. Will you be performing this and many of your other originals at your Haus Party?
“Kilburn now has a Costco! I’m going to have to add a verse! Talk about coming up in the world. I’ve actually put the call out on Facebook for my audience to tell me what songs they want to hear. So, if you have a request… try me out! I dare you!”
Will there be tap dancing? What other styles of dance will you be busting a move on?
“Oh honey, of course there will be tap dancing! There’s really a bit of everything in this show from tap dancing to lap dancing – I do it all.”
How similar is Hans’ Haus Party to your 2015 Adelaide Fringe show In Das Haus?
“Well, it’s become obvious that the hip-hop community have now welcomed me with open arms. They call me Gay-Z. So I will be honouring that in the first half of the show with the new genre I like to call ‘Cabarap’. It’s important for me to honour my ghetto roots… of which I have none. But I have had some roots in the ghetto.”
Are your parents proud of your worldly success?
“How could you not be proud of this? My mother and father are practically the Bruce and Kris Jenner of Berlin (which might explain why dad has been raiding mum’s wardrobe lately), so any inch of fame they celebrate. It’s also a well-known fact that my mother makes monthly trips to Adelaide to sew costumes for me. Our fabric store of choice is DK Fabrics, of course. Between us and Willsy, we have pretty much paid the mortgages of half the Vietnamese community of Adelaide.”
Russian Beautician Rosa Waxoffski has told The Clothesline that you are the one client who gets her hot and sweaty ever time she performs a treatment on you. What is it about you that gets her so steamy?
“It’s probably the costumes. I see her looking at me with that tinge of jealousy every time we meet. I might have to take her to DK when she’s back in town.”
I hear that Matt Gilbertson likes to claim credit for teaching you everything you know. Is this a fact or just a wannabe trying to ride on the hems of your hotpants?
“Matt Gilbertson! Talk about a stalker. He follows me around everywhere. Thankfully I’ve so far managed to avoid being in the same place at the same time as him. But I will say this, he’s a disgrace. No wonder he can’t get a girlfriend!”
Is there anything else you would like to say?
“Just to your dear readers, if they’re looking for a change in their life, if they’re looking for inspiration, or if they’re just looking to get drunk (responsibly), then join me at The German Club, darlings. I promise you, your life won’t be the same again.”
Hans’ Haus Party performs at The German Club on Fri 26 Jun. Dinner/doors from 7pm and Show from 8pm.
Book at TryBooking.com. Click HERE to purchase your tickets.