Comedian TAHIR, who is easily recognisable from his roles on televisions Fat Pizza and Houso’s, is coming to the Adelaide Fringe with his new show The Complete Guide To Being A Racist. TAHIR will explore all things racist; boat people, terrorism, religion and even a pork-free society. This is a show where you might learn something with lots of laughs in between. He wants you to come along and find out your level of racism, and even promises a raffle to win a free trip to Christmas Island.
We sent some silly questions to TAHIR. This is what he had to say.
First comedy gig; when and where and how did it go?
“Sydney Comedy Store in 1995. It went well as the four mates I brought along with me egged me on.”
What drew you into performing comedy?
“The fame, the chicks, the drugs and the money!”
Comedian you would most like to be?
“None … have you seen how warped they all are?”
Comedy duo or trio; who would be your partner/s in crime?
“Pauline Hanson. You can’t get any funnier than that!”
Favourite joke you knew as a kid?
“Why did the skeleton jump out the window? He had no guts! (I won a prize on radio as a kid for that so suck it up!)”
Most famous person’s number you have in your phone?
“Mark Bosnich and Anthony Mundine.”
Favourite movie line?
“You had me at hello, for how cheesy it is and how great it is for comics.”
Best gig, worst gig and why?
“There have been so many enjoyable gigs. Performing for miners at 7am in 35 degree heat after they had just finished a 12-hour shift was interesting.”
Favourite imaginary friend as a kid?
Job you currently perform in your alternative life when not performing comedy?
“Full time comic. What? Are these questions for non-professional comics?”
Your porn star name [first pet/first street]?
What is your hidden talent?
“I love magic and have collected many tricks.”
Tell us something that people don’t yet know about you.
“I love magic and have collected many tricks. I also have a teaching degree.”
Favourite childhood memory?
“Sport, sport, sport!”
Celebrity meet that left you star-struck?
“Joe Esposito. Elvis Presley’s best friend and tour manager. He had some stories, and it’s the closest you can come to The King.
“My secret crush is this: pineapple, lime juice, apple juice, banana, crushed with ice. So, now you know…”
Time travel; where would you most love to go and why?
“We have time travel now? If you want to go back to the 1990, just fly to Darwin.”
How do you deal with annoying people who insist you tell them a joke once they discover you are a comedian?
“Ask them what they do for a living and then force them to perform their profession on the spot. I really want a porn star to insist on a joke.”
What’s something from your childhood that you still love and have today?
“Trophies. Man, I was a winner; I demolished the opposition. I still polish them everyday. Come around and I’ll give you the tour.”
Which comedian would you 1. Song? 2. Marry? 3.Avoid?
“Comedians are dysfunctional… that’s why I love them. They’re the most interesting group of people on the planet.”
Has anyone literally wet themselves laughing at one of your shows?
“Probably, but one time in Canberra a couple went to the third tier of the theatre to have sex during the interval of one of my shows, only to return back to their front row seats for the second half. My comedy makes people horny!”
What’s the best chat-up line you’ve ever heard/used?
“I love corny, cheesy pick-up lines, so why not just come out and be obvious that you are about to do a very tacky line… Is that an airport around here … or is that my heart taking off?!”
Favourite or worse heckle you’ve ever had?
“What do you do for a living? This line is not original so please come up with something clever. The other line is this: Say something funny. Sometimes people say this even when I have been killing It. Wake up losers who say this.”
If you were a flavour of ice cream, what would you be and why?
“Frozen Yogurt because I’m different.”
TAHIR performs The Complete Guide To Being A Racist at Gluttony’s The Piglet from 8pm on Fri Feb 13 until Sun Mar 1.